Our Lives are Different, but so Much Better!
I know how you feel. And the way you're feeling is ok. It's ok to grieve the life you had planned in your head for your baby. I saw it too. When we first found out we were having a boy, our first boy after 3 girls, I was beyond excited! The life I painted for him flashed before my eyes. I saw him grow up, get married and have children of his own.
Then came our 20 week ultrasound. The very first diagnosis we received was for his blocked intestines and his heart defect. The doctor said that because he had a heart defect and an intestinal defect, that most likely he would have Down syndrome too. The doctor gave us zero hope and offered an abortion right in front of my daughters. This lit a fire in me to protect my baby from anyone who viewed him as less than, including his own doctors. As protective and determined I was, I still had to grieve the life I had already dreamed up in my mind for my first boy. I felt sorry for him, I felt sorry for my daughters, I felt sorry for my husband and myself. I thought it was all downhill from then on. I had no idea what joy and adventure was waiting for us.
Knowing what I now know, I wish I could go back and give myself a glimpse of what our lives are like now. Yes, our lives are different, but so much better! There is so much more joy, and love and hope. We are stronger, better people because of Eli. He was exactly what God knew our family needed. He has brought healing to places in my heart that I didn't know needed healing.
The way I felt when I first got his diagnosis seems so silly now, but grieving is part of the process. You need to grieve and let go of the life you planned to truly embrace the amazing life that's in front of you. It's a crazy beautiful, joy filled adventure! Eli truly has enhanced our lives #elienhancesmylife
Love, Michelle - @meeshellsullivan